I do wonder sometimes about the opportunities that I have been given. And most importantly how I can share the resources I have found with others who need them.
I have worked so hard to distance myself from my background in order to rise above it that I often feel lost when I think of going back to help others.
There’s also the issue of a different culture. I have been so inundated by the culture of my present that it seems almost impossible to connect to others well enough to help them. I know the distrust that comes from being hurt so many times but I don’t know if I could ever overcome that distrust in another person. I am not the sort of person that warms easily nor the sort that is trusted easily.
I don’t fit the bill either. I also know that my background and raising don’t make me the most suited to caring for others. I don’t have the loving patience that is expected of such volunteers. I tend to strike out to protect those I care about, having been raised to believe in a firm hand to guide. Which is of course what most of those people that I want to help also believe in but not a fitting guideline for an organization.
And I think the most crippling thing is that I simply don’t know where to begin. I know my own strengths and weaknesses but I don’t know of any programs that eed the help of the sort of person I am. And I don’t know where to find such a need. I don’t have any connectedness with these organizations. I see a very big picture and I know that my vision of it is very radical. I don’t want to overhaul or compromise myself but I want to help in the current present in a real way rather than just theory.
Also, I know that it sounds quite cynical but from my point of theory these small acts are helpful. If you want to overhaul capitalism, encouraging ethical spending isn’t actually meaningful.