Friendly Reminder

I am amazed. This is a real note posted in a real MIT dorm to real actual students who are 18-22 years old.

[caption id="attachment_647" align="alignnone" width="300"] "Food is delicious, but fire is deadly. This is a friendly reminder"[/caption]

We, as MIT students and legal adults, apparently need to be reminded that leaving a stove on can lead to a fire that can kill you (along with all the other residents of the dorm, too).

One of my favorite quotes from an MIT class:

MIT is real life. If you die at MIT, you die in real life. -Prof Sekazi

Maybe some other students need to hear these wise words and reconsider their player strategy here. A really valuable lesson in that quote.

Sol Lewitt and Listening

The sonic experience at MIT is one that students often choose to opt out of. GRTs readily provide free ear buds to ease the tension of noise control in dorms. Emails are sent warning students of how to best avoid the noise of constructing the new MIT.nano. Most students carry into the main campus space the sonic experience they wish to experience. Whether MIT predisposed Bose to the audio experience of headphones or the Bose discount decreased the financial barrier, the sonic experience of MIT has a component of individual fulfillment. Over the ear headphones abound, cloaking student’s experience of the infinite with a personal preference. In addition to skimming over the headphone style preferences of students, I often sport my own on the walks across campus. This practice cloaks the MIT campus in noise select to the individual; I wanted to push on the boundaries of this.

Nerdiness: I am a monster

I am a monster you don't have to imagine.

I don't generally make it my business to engage with men on feminist issues. It's not my responsibility to teach every college male - if he wants me to tutor him in human decency he can hit up my paypal (kresh426@mit.edu) as easily as he pays MITPAY. In this post, I refer and respond to several sources mainly because I felt that Laurie Penny's response while well written, constructive, and engaging was not where I wanted to leave the discussion.

But I'm getting real tired of these whining young men in STEM fields. Of the grown male authors who refer to nerdy women and girls as an underutilized resource. Of the entitled men who frighten children with pornography of fictional ponies. All of their anger seems to be based on the fact they didn't 'get some' in high school and/or college. To quote a fictional lesbian:

Jenny: Oh, fuck off, Mark. It's not my job to make you a better man and I don't give a shit if I've made you a better man. It's not a fucking woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve. (The L Word)

Becoming us, dating us, consuming us is not the answer to your problems. 

We are our own unconquerable people.

Yet another STEM man has decided to rationalize his support of a known sexual abuser by describing the bullying he experienced as a white heterosexual male nerd.

My recurring fantasy, through this period, was to have been born a woman, or a gay man, or best of all, completely asexual, so that I could simply devote my life to math, like my hero Paul Erdös did. (comment 171)

I’ve always felt a special kinship with gays and lesbians, precisely because the sense of having to hide from the world, of being hissed at for a sexual makeup that you never chose, is one that I can relate to on a visceral level. (another of his post)

First off: How entitled to you have to be to want to steal my skin, my identity, my sexuality for yourself? You do not have any kinship with me or the LGB people. You have married your wife! It is legal for you to marry your wife! You will not be fired from your job because you are married to your wife or express your heterosexuality! If I wish to enter an Boston marriage with a woman, I will have to very carefully choose where I live and work. I would have only been able to do so since Oct 16, 2014 in my home state of Virginia with 43% of polled people being opposed to this ability. There is no federal protection against firing LGB people. You have literally no visceral kinship with us; you are not us. You don't get to feel a kinship our blood and sweat, our bodies beaten or dead. Nor do you express "kinship" with lesbian women by linking to an article that addresses sexist work place discrimination by countering with the ability of heterosexual women to get responses from men on a dating website. How do you manage to call lesbians your kin and also erase lesbians? STOP. Stop stealing us, consuming our pain from your very very safe place as a grown up.

Secondly: I live at the intersection of your fantasies: I was and am a woman, asexual. I was a geek.

In middle and high school I was ruthlessly teased for those precise reasons. For so very many things more.

For being mulatto - for my wide nose, my frizzy curly hair, my just-too-southern-black accent. For being short. For my asthma. For wearing glasses. For being too bookish. For getting good grades. For being quiet.

I was always the Before of the Princess Diaries, simultaneously invisible and subject to ridicule. The very qualities that he imagines as freeing him to devote himself to his academics created a barrier so onerous, socially and academically, I fell behind my academics and became suicidally depressed. To the point I had to go to a therapeutic home with attached school for some time.  I don't mean to discount what this man experienced in his boyhood or to compare traumas. What I mean to point out is that my identity is not a fantasy or an escape. Quite the opposite. Bullying due to my intersectional identity negatively affected my academic focus and performance.

Inhabiting my positionality is not a release from fear but rather to live in the intersection of different fears. 

Finally, his imagining is based on the fact that he refuses actually know us. We do already exist. We do document and discuss our experiences with discrimination and bullying. We don't have to be imagined by a man. It seems impossible to me that a grown educated man be unaware that there are black women who like science. Or non-het women who like comics, lesbians as the heroines of comics. He chooses not know our lived experiences with layered discrimination. He refers to his (mis)reading of white radfem texts to establish his authority and validate his refusal to listen to other voices, including women of color and lesbian women.

Here is another radical feminist and a woman of color: bell hooks

They are quick to tell me I am different, not like the "real" feminists who hate men, who are angry. I assure them I am as real and as radical a feminist as one can be, and if they dare to come any closer to feminism they will see it is not how they have imagined it. (via bell hooks, feminism is for everybody)

She describes his familiar tacts of purposeful misidentification or refusal of identity. To continue to imagine us, he must refuse to respect our reality, our history. She recognizes that these are techniques of dismissal.

Much as I try to understand other people’s perspectives, the first reference to my 'male privilege' — my privilege! — is approximately where I get off the train, because it’s so alien to my actual lived experience (comment 171 via article)

These are the perspectives of my geeky friends, my intimate experiences, my academic training.

I knew all the other "imaginary" nerds: the gay geeks, the black nerds, the poor nerds, the young girl geeks. I knew the girl who relied on the public library for her books and generously loaned those books to kids who couldn't get to the library. I knew the girls who longed to be noticed, appreciated, by those nerdy boys who mocked us, tested our knowledge, discounted our thoughts. I knew too the boys who wanted to be known by other boys, who wrongly thought those white het male geeks would be a little less racist, a little less homophobic, a little less classist. I knew the heated discussion of black music between AfroSamurai, Boondocks, and Samurai Champloo. I knew the feminine discounted knowledge: the shojo manga with frilly titles and the Tamora Pierce that wasn't real fantasy.

Monstrous words, dripping frogs not pearls.

So what terms do we engage with these men on? How do we respond to our dismissal? How do we escape the bullying and discrimination?

Even when we try to escape to the intellectual world, we find sex or race or class based discrimination in professional fields. We can never forget or move on from the middle school bullying because we are not part of the STEM communities that validate and empower each other based on that shared experience. Nor do we share 'that' het white male experience of nerdiness bullying. Again, women and minorities face an intersection of different fears.

Unlike Aaronson, I was also female, so when I tried to pull myself out of that hell into a life of the mind, I found sexism standing in my way. I am still punished every day by men who believe that I do not deserve my work as a writer and scholar. Some escape it's turned out to be. (via article)

Even when we describe our perspectives in the "right" ways we are dismissed.

He refuses to confront the truth of what we live whether narrative or rhetorical, quantitative or qualitative. Presumably he doesn't accept the racism and sexism described in AYA; maybe that's not a real comic book or a real description of lacking privilege. As he admits, he "read many studies and task force reports about gender bias" so he has been faced with empirical evidence too.

Harassment of any kind is not acceptable behavior at MIT; it is inconsistent with the commitment to excellence that characterizes MIT's activities. [...] The Institute is committed under this policy to stopping harassment and associated retaliatory behavior. All MIT supervisors have a responsibility to act to stop harassment in the areas under their supervision (MIT policy on sexual harassment)

Again this 97% feminist ally is a man who is choosing to support a known abuser, who wants to return a venue to a known sexual abuser despite MIT's clear policy on no tolerance for sexual harassment. Let's not forget: this whole thing started because he wants to keep up the lectures of a known male sexual abuser. He wants the details of the harassment public, regardless of the victim's needs and wants - even if she's (or any other abused women) embarrassed. To him, the "wrong message about MIT's values" is to enforce the policy of no tolerance for sexual harassment. He refuses to listen to women's experiences or research. The last 3% are apparently the points that actually matter, convert to action. Penny, you need to address this blatant sexism in your feminist response! 

Most men are disturbed by hatred and fear of women, by male violence against women, even the men who perpetuate this violence. But they fear letting go of the benefits. They are not certain what will happen to the world they know most intimately if patriarchy changes. So they find it easier to passively support male domination even when they know in their minds and hearts that it is wrong. (bell hooks, feminism is for everybody)

Of course some pissant will come along to tell women speaking of work discrimination that we should be grateful that men might just fuck us:

This comes across so strongly as “my suffering is worse than your suffering” spiel, so much so that I’m tempted to argue it and review a bunch of experiments like how even the least attractive women on dating sites get far more interest than men. Or how women asking random people for sex on the street get accepted more than two-thirds of the time, but men trying the same get zero percent. Or how the same study shows that the women who get declined get declined politely, while the men are treated with disgust and contempt. (via said pissant)

Where is is the 97% of his agreement to call this pissant out? No, he commend and links to them.

It seems to me we are going to be dismissed no matter what, whether we have lived experience, detailed studies, or institutional policy on our side. These male nerds are not going to assist us in ending the bullying, abuse, and discrimination because they insist it never happened even as they platform sexual abusers.

Let's reverse the patriarchal reversal: What are we to ask him?

Monsters who tear down houses

There are a lot of young men out there - I suspect even now - who sometimes wish they'd been born when things were a bit easier, when the balance of male versus female sexual shame was tilted more sharply by the formal rituals of patriarchy, when men could just take or be assigned what they wanted, as long as they were also white and straight.

There are a lot of older men out there who long for that real or imagined world more openly, and without any of Aaronson's nuance and compassion. I would challenge men to analyse that longing, to see it for what it is. And then to resist it. You are smarter and better than that. (via article)

What exactly is nuanced about wanting male power back? What exactly is compassionate about wanting to revert to assigning women as property, chattel, and objects? What does it say about a person that they are well adapted to the contractual and ritualized exchange of women as property-objects? What does that predict about how they approach their relationships? Why does he resist anti-rape campaigns so adamantly? What about his behavior with women makes him fear accusations of sexual abuse? Why do we as women keep pretending that there are not class interests at stake here?

Whose passion is validated? Male passion, specifically male violent fantasies. She ignores the real truth in the fantasy, a dangerous violence in male power fantasy. This man isn't stupid. He's knowingly choosing to engage in this fantasy just as he is knowingly recounting it as a ploy for sympathy. He is aware of the power imbalance in his fantasy; that female vulnerability is precisely what's appealing to him. The patriarchy is a power hierarchy designed to be beneficial to men; smart men came up with it to protect their class interests.  You can't extend compassion to someone who wants you back in chains.

In case you'd rather deal in fantasy, for a geeky parallel: Why do men like slave!Leia so much more than any other incarnation of Leia? More than normal!Leia or senator!Leia or warrior!Leia or pilot!Leia? Why do we allow men to sexually fantasize about a strong young woman when she is at her most silent and vulnerable? What does it say about male nerd culture that men want to 'remember' back to the time when she was in chains and sexually available against her will?

Why do we excuse these monstrous fantasies? Why do we validate them? Why don't we admit the truth - these men are the same slime slugs as any male who fantasies about taking away women's rights and self determination.  Let's do what Leia did.

• Kill the male fantasy by taking hold of the very chains.


• Reject it outright as wrong and abusive.


• Build our own revolutionary world.

MIT Culture: Critical and Personal Experience

This post isn't going to cover everything I have to say about MIT culture and it's not going to make everyone happy. To be quite clear, this is meant to be critical. If you don't want to read a criticism of some of the problems with MIT culture, please go no further. If you are looking for a careful analysis, I'm sorry but I'm not in the place to that; this is just a collection of my personal thoughts. While some of this is bitter, there are also good things about my school. I'm not bitter because I have bad grades or because of some other failing I've projected onto the school. (Even if I were bitter because of this, it wouldn't invalidate my criticism - Harvard is well known to grade inflate; MIT doesn't which puts students at a disadvantage.) I'm bitter because the school and culture I feel in love with over MITES and CPW is not the school that I'm attending.

I appreciate what MIT has given me in terms of advancing my career and solid financial support. A lot of what I talk about won't bother people but from where I come from and with the difficulties I tackle, some times these aspects of MIT culture seem like unnecessary and insurmountable obstacles.

If you want to know my experiences, as a college junior from a background that didn't give me a lot of support, then read on.

The MIT culture during CPW 

While all colleges have college preview weekends, MIT's campus preview weekend is a big deal. Compared to most schools, MIT's CPW is amazingly student driven and has a wide diversity of events. CPW events run 24/7 for the whole three days. As a student here, I now understand why. Basically MIT allows all of the dorms and student groups to run events with funding provided to them. We get a holiday so that we as students can host these events; most professors understand not to schedule heavy course loads over this weekend. MIT also has it's official events that cover 'parent' topics like financial aid, meal plans, and class offering. Most students don't attend these events; MIT encourages parents to let their students do what they enjoy and wander campus.

CPW promises this amazing wonderland of MIT culture. Everyone is excited and welcoming. There are so many stories to be heard about how East Campus always builds a roller coaster and then hosts the orange tours! I loved the east campus counter culture at the time. I was a bit of a rebel and the idea of the Institute quietly accepting the 'freaks and geeks' of its campus was a major appeal. I dyed my hair during CPW - it went terribly but I felt so exhilarated by it.

But the daily MIT is not this way. Not all the dorms 'get along.' Not all of east campus wants to be friends: there's a competitive nature at MIT, about geek cred, about hacks, about staying up late. A lot of what CPW promises doesn't matter to dear old TIM the beaver.

A lot of privilege goes into the MIT culture. For example: You can get arrested for hacking. If you get arrested, your scholarship can be removed. You can also lose your job. On the other hand, your dorm mates may look down on you for not trying a key part of the culture.

Perhaps more than that: some of the work hard, party hard culture is a dangerous lie. There are the kids who never manage to leave their rooms because they are too busy studying. But there are also the kids who party too hard. I know more than a few students who deal with stress by drinking. And it's not good and it's not something that MIT talks about, certainly not at CPW which is dry.

Genius that doesn't try

Sleep. Friends. Grades. Choose two. Hack. Punt. Tool. 

These phrases have been repeated around me. They're part of the work hard, party hard - the machismo of "how much sleep did you get last night?" followed by "so what'd you get on the last exam?" Not everyone prioritizes school while others have to work hard all the time to keep up. A culture of procrastination and comparison doesn't foster early planning and cooperation. I've often struggled in group projects, not because I don't want to do my part, but because other members don't want to meet or wait until the last minute to turn in their part. 

Additionally, not everyone who claims to be coasting by while playing DODA for hours is actually quite so breezy. After all, it's often the same kids talking about math camps that they've done since middle school. They've arrived on campus with both a set of friends and experience with course work I'd never even heard of before. 

Some students take this to the extreme. There are students who purposefully take an exam drunk, just to compare who still gets a passing score. Other students choose to see how little effort they have to put into their HASS classes, a expensive middle finger to the professors who teach the classes. 

The MIT culture of procrastination or comparing who can more easily breeze through can be harmful for students! Some students really do have to work hard; others can't afford to slack off to create an image of nonchalance. It should be acceptable to work hard and own up to it. 

Support networks: Promises and Payoff

I did MITES. In MITES, there is an amazing amount of support. Really, MITES is the main reason that I realized I could apply to Ivy Leagues and do the work. No one had ever inspired that type of confidence in me or pointed me to the support to get there. There is so much good I can say about MITES and the OME. And the programs offered by the OME are often pointed to. 

Unfortunately, that attitude of supporting students does not extend to the rest of campus.

A fair number of professors at MIT believe that the point of MIT is to teach you how to teach yourself. I, however, am very upset to realize that I have scrounged together approximately $54,000 dollars worth of scholarships in order to be told to 'google it.' 'Teach yourself' is a lesson I have already learned when I found out how to put myself through college. I do not mean to minimize the support that my foster family and my foster worker have offered me, but I do mean to recognize that I have managed my own finances and 'googled' my scholarships all the way to MIT. I do not need to pay MIT such a large amount of money to 'learn' how to find resources on my own. More so, I need to keep my grades up too keep these scholarships I found for myself.

A lot of professors are unwilling to change their tactic of 'teaching' when confronted by a student that doesn't learn well with that particular style. If the resources are all online, then you either need to have a well documented reason or "learn to deal." If you need tutoring because asking questions around others gives you anxiety, prepare to repeat yourself infinitely to get the resources you need. If you have a recurring medical condition that makes lab a torment, know that attendance is mandatory and without another battle, there's no bending in that. 

Similarly the support networks that are available your freshman year disappear for sophomore year and beyond. Tutoring doesn't exist for classes outside the institute requirements and introductory courses. The writing center really doesn't know how to help you edit technical writing. The course advisors are either over burdened or don't care. Student Support Services and Mental Health are so overtaxed and don't get enough respect from professors. There's no real support network. 

Really, if you have a serious difficulty, no one notices. Even if, say, your dorm's GRT or S^3 do realize you need help, by the time they can manage to help you, it's often a herculean task of it's own to deal unsympathetic professors with their help and the complete lack of support means that one shot help is all you're going to get. Those few resources are aimed at crisis management, not sustained assistance. 

The Firehose and your personal hell

There's a common MIT saying: Learning at MIT is like drinking out of a firehose. Classes are designed to throw too much at you. The hours given in course listings are too low for the reality of the class. Professors expect you to be able to more things than there are hours to do. Classes assume a basic knowledge that the prereqs don't provide. Reading may not be posted until the night before they're due. Even if the class doesn't have a coding pre-req, basic coding skills are expected. Etc. Etc. I could go on.

When I was learning about MIT, I heard this but I also heard about the support that came with it. During my freshman year, I took advantage of the support. I was in learning community; I had a tutor for the classes that challenged me; I had a pset group; I went to the TSR for preparation. These resources don't exist anymore. Most majors don't offer tutoring. The TSR doesn't cover classes beyond the GIRs.

Don't get me started on trying to create these resources. It's almost impossible. 

This mentality of extra work for no credit is terrible for students that are trying to work to put themselves through school. I can never figure out what work shifts to sign up for until half a month into the semester. The course load changes; professors purposefully assign more than the class is supposed to; sometimes classes go way over their time slots. All of this makes it easy to lose a job - if lab class goes over, an off-campus supervisor won't see that as a reason to be late to your shift. If your work load changes or isn't posted with advance notice, a student whose medical problems crop up will fall behind.

Additionally, this 'firehose' approach puts first generation students or students from less proficient high schools at a disadvantage - if you don't have a good foundation, a fire hose is just going to knock you over. 

Grading on a curve- forget your scholarship

Another portion of professors are big fans of 'the cream rises to the top' mentality. Whether they quietly curve their classes and purposefully test students beyond the material covered, these professors believe that the true merit of a student is found when they go past their supposed comfort zone. When I encountered professors like this, I was astounded. What sort of person expects you to know things you were never taught? What sort of teacher doesn't teach but torments?

Of course, MIT's official policy is to prohibit grading on a curve. But when most courses don't explain how exams are graded until after the first one has already been taken, students don't have a lot of resources to protest. The number of classes where a 'bell curve' has both been used to determine grade cut off and posted for students to ruminate on - that number is all of my technical classes.

I've had a TA say to my face that he wrote the exam on material we hadn't seen yet in order to get a 'better distribution.' What does that mean? A bell curve distribution of scores? A better distribution of resources for struggling students? I found out very quickly that it was the former; the latter had never crossed his mind.

More so, what sort of professor doesn't realize that students rely on grades to maintain scholarships? Creating a class where only 1/4 (or less) of the students can achieve an 'A' is one where you are discouraging students from keeping their scholarship. My understanding of the material isn't dependent on three other students understanding - after all, we could all be understanding it at an 'A' level.

MIT Culture: Critical and Personal Experience

This post isn't going to cover everything I have to say about MIT culture and it's not going to make everyone happy. To be quite clear, this is meant to be critical. If you don't want to read a criticism of some of the problems with MIT culture, please go no further. If you are looking for a careful analysis, I'm sorry but I'm not in the place to that; this is just a collection of my personal thoughts. While some of this is bitter, there are also good things about my school. I'm not bitter because I have bad grades or because of some other failing I've projected onto the school. (Even if I were bitter because of this, it wouldn't invalidate my criticism - Harvard is well known to grade inflate; MIT doesn't which puts students at a disadvantage.) I'm bitter because the school and culture I feel in love with over MITES and CPW is not the school that I'm attending.

I appreciate what MIT has given me in terms of advancing my career and solid financial support. A lot of what I talk about won't bother people but from where I come from and with the difficulties I tackle, some times these aspects of MIT culture seem like unnecessary and insurmountable obstacles.

If you want to know my experiences, as a college junior from a background that didn't give me a lot of support, then read on.

How to Politely Skip Class

There are always going to be days where you don't want to go class. Sometimes it's that you're tired; other times the weather is bad. There are ways to keep skipping class from being a major hindrance. The most difficult thing is making sure that the professor doesn't mind. Most classes have clear policy on attendance. Of course in attendance based classes skipping will have an effect on your grade. Even if attendance isn't part of the grade, showing up to class is important. Carefully judge whether skipping class is worth it. To be fair, I skip a class about once a month. Usually, I take the time to catch up on sleep or studying.

In the cases that you decide skipping class is worth it, here's a good guide to politely skipping class.

you are not subtle with excuses

If there isn't a legitimate reason to skip class, don't make up a reason. Lecturing professors have heard it all before, easily sorting honest reasons from lame excuses. While you may think a late night of DODA can be covered for with "a family emergency," your prof will probably be able to see through you.

Don't make an excuse. If you feel the need to approach the professor, just earnestly apologize for missing class and ask if there's anything you can do to make up the work. If you plan to miss class, ask a friend to take good notes for you and email the prof asking for the work you'll miss.

legitimate reasons have paper trails

For legitimate reasons to miss class, get a paper trail. If you're very sick, go to the doctor. Although this might be a pain, a doctor's note can be turned in to your professor to excuse an absence. As silly as it might be, an email from your parents describing the family difficulty can turn a recalcitrant professor into a sympathetic mentor. If you go to a GRT or other dorm staff for help due to drama that's really affecting you, ask that person to email your professor. While they may not be a grand authority, their word holds more weight than yours on its own.

Check to see if your school has a department or office for students experiencing difficulties. For example, students with crutches or arm braces can go to the Office of Disabilities to get transportation to and from class and class note takers, respectively. Or a student dealing with exam anxiety can go to Student Support Service to request more time on an exam or a separate room for test taking.

safe skip: the lecture after an exam

This is a favorite lecture of mine to skip, especially since I'm usually still tired from studying for the exam. A portion of the lecture is "wasted" going over the exam results . I say waste since most classes post solutions to exams online and the next office hours are dedicated to answering questions on the exam. The start of new material is very important as it is the base for everything else, but it's also the easiest to learn. So I find this to be an overall decent lecture to miss.

leave at break

If you show up for class but feel the need to leave midway through, the best time to leave is at the break. If there's no break, try to aim for a natural pause in discussion or speach. This is something that should be saved for the worst most desperate case as most professors will notice and may even take you leaving personally.

do not leave if exodus

Some lectures suffer from a large mass of people leaving all at once. In the case that a group of people are leaving, don't join them. Staying on the day that the class is nearly empty is equivalent to telling the prof that you value their class. Professors notice your presence then more than ever.

How to Politely Skip Class

There are always going to be days where you don't want to go class. Sometimes it's that you're tired; other times the weather is bad. There are ways to keep skipping class from being a major hindrance. The most difficult thing is making sure that the professor doesn't mind. Most classes have clear policy on attendance. Of course in attendance based classes skipping will have an effect on your grade. Even if attendance isn't part of the grade, showing up to class is important. Carefully judge whether skipping class is worth it. To be fair, I skip a class about once a month. Usually, I take the time to catch up on sleep or studying.

In the cases that you decide skipping class is worth it, here's a good guide to politely skipping class.

Classroom Etiquette

One of the most important things for college is the new code of etiquette for college lectures. It's very different from high school but still important for making sure that your professor has a good opinion of you.

Here's my guide to lectures and college classes, how you should behave in lecture. The advice will go through cellphones, bathroom breaks, sleeping and more.

• going to the bathroom

At my high school, we had passes to go to the bathroom. It was very embarrassing: students had to get the teacher's attention and signature in a pass book to go to the bathroom. Even worse, for each class, you were only allowed to go to the bathroom twice a semester. 

Fortunately, college lectures allow you to go to the bathroom whenever you want. It is of course preferable to go before or after class, but in the case of emergencies it's easy to slide off during a lull. Many professors even have a mid-lecture break if allotted more than an hour. 

In my mind, there's no shame in needing to use the bathroom and I don't much care if students or professors judge me for drinking lots of water and then needing to use the restroom. Your body needs what your body needs.

• eating and drinking

Eating is really up to the professor. Some professors will make clear at the start of class their policy on eating, especially if it's verboten. Most don't mind students drinking water or coffee during a morning class along with a quiet granola bar. Evening classes tend to be quite lax about food policies, often expecting students to eat. For example, my Monday evening class goes from 7 pm - 10 pm so the professor told us on the first lecture that food was alright.

I'd personally suggest something you can pick up and put down while taking notes. As always, try to eat quietly without making a mess. Nachos for example are a bad idea: loud and messy salsa. Foods without strong odors are considerate of the people around you. 

• sleeping

Of course you shouldn't be sleeping in class. But we all have moments where we dose off during a particularly dull lecture due to a late night cramming. 

If you expect to be falling asleep, consider skipping the class. There's nothing to be gained from sleeping through a lecture; it may even reflect worse on you than missing one lecture. If you decide to attend and sleep through, sit in the back of the class. There's nothing worse for you and others than being the student snoring in the front row. 

If you absolutely don't want to fall asleep but may fall to temptation, have a friend or seat mate periodically tap you to wake you up. It may be a little embarrassing to ask a stranger sitting next to you for a favor, but that embarrassment may also keep you from falling asleep.

• cellphone

Put your cell phone on silent during lecture.

Let me repeat that: Cell phones should be on silent during class.

This isn't high school; no one's going to confiscate your phone. But everyone will turn to look at you, especially if you have a hilarious song for your ring tone.

Personally, I suggest putting your cell phone on your lap during lecture so that you can check the time without loudly rummaging through your bag. If the professor has a no cell phone policy, turn your phone off and leave it in your bag to totally minimize the temptation. 

• laptops

Most professors have a clear policy on laptops. If they're allowed, try not to drift off topic while using them; some professors will walk around the room in order to get a view of your laptop.

If laptops aren't allowed, they're really not allowed. Don't bring them. 

• late/leaving

If you are entering late or leaving early, try to do so respectfully. If you know in advance, send the professor an email before the lecture to apologize and explain. If it's just a case of sleeping in, enter the room quietly and accept the fact that you may have to settle for a seat in the back. If you need to interrupt other students' view or the position of the lecturer to get when you need to be, wait until a natural pause. 

For important reasons to leave, pack your bag quickly and quietly. Often it's easier to dump everything in your bag and reorganize outside of the lecture hall rather than deal with the dirty looks from students trying to take notes.

Unlike high school, it's normal that you have other commitments and most college classes don't take attendance. There's no need to feel terrible for a few late entries or early leavings so long as you are considerate of others. Most likely a professor won't remember the one time a student shows up late so long as there wasn't a scene. Don't sweat it. Just be polite.

• chatting

Whisper. To. The. Person. Next. To. You.

Stop talking when lecture starts. There's nothing that professors hate more than not being able to start their lecture on time because of people obliviously chatting. Take note of the time and quiet down when lecture is supposed to start; it's for your own good to make sure that the prof gets through all the material. I've had a few professors who have put material that wasn't covered in lecture on exams because they blamed chatty Cathys for not making it through the information in class. Don't be that kid.

Do not yell to the person across the room. Don't pass notes. Don't constantly text. These are the other things that professors notice.


If you have questions, you are super welcome to comment so that we can share our experiences and advice.

Classroom Etiquette

One of the most important things for college is the new code of etiquette for college lectures. It's very different from high school but still important for making sure that your professor has a good opinion of you.

Here's my guide to lectures and college classes, how you should behave in lecture. The advice will go through cellphones, bathroom breaks, sleeping and more.

Over-committing: Classes, Clubs, Career

There's a big shift transitioning from high school to college. You have a lot more independence to pursue what you want when you want but more responsibility follows. Classes in high school were really easy for me; I could skate through lectures and rely on the repetitive style of teaching if I wanted to zone out for a day.

College is not like this.
At all.

The work load is more intense, especially since professors aren't holding your hand through the material. It's up to you to keep up with work and ask for help when you need it. Despite this, a lot of students coming into college try to replicate high school, signing up for tons of clubs and activities. While it's good to have things outside of lecture, the priority of a college student is their classes, in my honest opinion. Well, it's not just my opinion: it's the opinion of the faculty and advisors.

Here's some advice for the times when you've overcommitted in your classes, clubs, and career.

Classes

Coming into college, it's easy to think that classes will be like high school. A lot of high school advisors don't know what you can handle so you may be used to ignoring warnings of too much course work. Working as an Associate Advisor with freshman advising, I see lots of students think that they can handle five challenging technical classes while doing a varsity sport and who knows what else. Most of these students come back, a little bit humbled, hoping to drop their fifth class and transfer into a slower paced class.

My first suggestion would be to listen to your freshman advisor. Challenge yourself but don't overload on your first semester. If certain classes are pre requisites, it's for good reason; don't try to skip around. If the advisor suggests your course load is too much, consider them seriously. Weight what your advisors says with the advice of upperclassmen who have taken the class.

If you've signed up for too many classes, speak to each professor. Ask how you're doing in their class and ask what you can do to keep up with the work from now on. Make sure to email the TA, asking about what tutoring is available and their office hours. Your school may have a Writing Center or Tutoring Office that you can go to for extra help.

Finally, meet with your advisor, reporting back what each professor has said and how you feel about your work load.

If you need to, drop a class. There's no shame in letting go of something that you aren't enjoying or doing well in. Make sure you keep track of drop date and the necessary paperwork.

Extra Curricular and Clubs

If you've signed up for too many extra curricular responsibilities, there's no shame in stepping back. Speak honestly with your club about why you need to re-focus on your school work. Make clear that you want to stay involved with the club, but will be less active until your work is better in hand.

Don't just disappear! Talk to the club, even if it's just an email or a stop by at the next meeting. Having been on both sides of this, I can say that it hurts to worry about a club member who hasn't been seen in a long time and to scramble to take over their responsibility.  It also hurts to feel that you can't come back to the club because there was no clean break or explanation for leaving in the first place.

If you can't drop the commitment, ask another club member to split the work with you. Work something out to share the work, delegating parts of the project to others.

Plan out when things need to get done, organizing your time.

Career

If you're paying your way through college, you may not be able to cut down your work hours. I totally understand that; I'm paying my own way with the generous help of scholarships. But what you can do is make sure that your work is either applicable to your major or allows you to do course work.

For example, I am a desk worker at my dorm. I can do a lot of my school work while sitting at desk, letting people in and out of the building. The pay is decent for the amount of double tasking I can do.

If you are just working for experience or extra spending money, remember that your course work is the priority. Plan out the number of hours you can do in the week. Some labs will let you come in on the weekends so if that works well with your class schedule take advantage of it.

Look at your syllabus at the start of the year and make sure to get time off for your exams. This might sound silly but you may have an evening shift that conflicts with a late evening exam time.

Wrap Up

The moral of the story is that coursework if the main priority of a student. Everyone's heard the story of a wise professor filling a jar with golf balls and then pouring in the small bits of sand to completely fill in the jar.

Block in the class work and let classes, clubs, and career work follow in to fill in your free time. Organize your time and don't sign up for things you can't follow through on.

I hope that this advice helps you. If you  have any suggestions that you want to share comment below!

Over-committing: Classes, Clubs, Career

There's a big shift transitioning from high school to college. You have a lot more independence to pursue what you want when you want but more responsibility follows. Classes in high school were really easy for me; I could skate through lectures and rely on the repetitive style of teaching if I wanted to zone out for a day.

College is not like this.
At all.

The work load is more intense, especially since professors aren't holding your hand through the material. It's up to you to keep up with work and ask for help when you need it. Despite this, a lot of students coming into college try to replicate high school, signing up for tons of clubs and activities. While it's good to have things outside of lecture, the priority of a college student is their classes, in my honest opinion. Well, it's not just my opinion: it's the opinion of the faculty and advisors.

Here's some advice for the times when you've overcommitted in your classes, clubs, and career.

College Dorm Advice Part 1

You've just moved into a college dorm. This is so exciting!
You probably want to get unpacked as quick and possible and revel in the feeling of having your own space, possibly for the first time.

But there are a few things that you should do first!

Check your dorm information to see what you can do to your room. 

Can you paint the walls? Can you burn candles in your dorm? Are you allowed to smoke or have pets? Can you put nails in the wall? Are regular fairy lights allowed or only LED fairy lights?
These are all important questions before you even start unpacking.
For example, my dorm allowed painting so I didn't start unpacking until I'd finished painting my room.

Check to see what furniture is available for free.

Check to see what furniture each room is supposed to have. If your room is supposed to have certain furniture, you can ask for your dorm manager to get you the missing furniture.
Then ask if there is any extra furniture. Email your dorm or house master for this information. Lots of dorms have extra furniture for rooms. Ask floor mates if they have furniture they don't want or don't have space for in their room. Before exchanging furniture with floor mates, make sure your dorm allows moving furniture!
You may want an extra wardrobe if you have a lot of clothes, so ask about that.
My key advice would be to check to make sure your desk has all the drawers and that they work well, without jamming or any other problems.  If anything in your room is broken, ask the dorm or house master if they can replace it for free.

Now you have all your furniture. YAY!


Find out where you can get a vacuum.
Personally, I own a vacuum.
A lot of dorms these days have vacuums that students can rent for an hour or so. My dorm has several vacuums that students can rent.
If you're super nice to cleaning staff or the dom manager, they may let you use some of these cleaning supplies. A friend in another dorm has a good supply of paper towels and disinfecting air spray due to a well placed friendship.

Fresh smells.

If you're allowed to use candles, go for it! They smell great and are super relaxing. Make note of where the fire alarms are and how much smoke your candle is giving off. No one likes fire alarms. Be sure to put the flame out when you're out of the room.

My dorm doesn't allow candles so I have found a few ways around that to keep my room smelling good.
Get an automatic air freshener or get a wall plug in freshener.
Get a room spray air freshener.
Make sure that these two scents are the same or at least work well together. Both of mine are lavender.


Clean everything!

This is the most important thing to do! I don't care if your dorm has a cleaning service or if you've lived in filth all your life. You have to clean everything in your room! Move furniture and vacuum. Take out the drawers of your desk to clean. Wipe down everything with bleach and/or clorox. This includes your mattress. Most dorms have the mattresses in plastic covers so they are super easy to clean. You will be amazed by how much dust and filth there is.
I had to go over a lot of things multiple times because things were so gross!
Cleaning your desk, bed and closet are super important since you will spend so much time in these places. You may laugh at "spending time" in your closet but how often are you wearing clothes?

That's what I thought!

If you can, now is the time to paint your room.
I'll do a separate post giving advice on painting rooms.

Organize your furniture.

With everything clean, you only have to find the proper place for your furniture.
Once again, you may be able to have the dorm or house master arrange help with this.
If not, ask your floor mates for help, offering to treat for lunch in exchange for the help. This is a great way to meet people without it seeming unnatural.

Take note of where the plugs are! If you have plugs behind furniture, use extension cords. If you have cable or ethernet plugs, check where they are and make sure you have a cord long enough to reach your tv or computer.

I'd suggest having your desk in front of a window, if your room has any windows. You'll be happy for the natural light when studying.
Another good idea is to have a dresser by your bed, especially those of us who wear glasses.


Make your bed comfortable.

Remember to clean the mattress. So many people have slept on it and maybe not all of them have been as regular with showers as you prefer to be.

Your bed is a place you will be spending a lot of time in. Make it how you like.

Remember most college dorm beds are Extra Long Twin!

I would strongly suggest getting a foam mattress pad. These come in all different price ranges. I got a mid range one, about $50. That one has served me quite well these two years. People always say how comfortable my bed is so I think it was very worth it.
Do get one with a washable cover! Also, if you have a foam mattress pad with a cloth cover, I'd suggest getting two fitted sheets so that will prevent the pad from sliding off of you bed.

Also get comfortable pillows and pillow covers. I'd suggest a few firm and soft pillows. If you are a pillow enthusiast like me, get a body pillow. Again, if you can get a body pillow with a washable cover that would be best.
Silk and soft cotton pillow covers work best for easy washing and comfy sleeping.

Another suggestion would be getting bed risers. They are super helpful for storage. Things stay out of sight but are still easily reachable.
Your bed frame may be adjustable- ask if it is and for help, if you need it. My bed is quite raised so that it stores a lot of things underneath in large plastic containers.

One of the best purchases I ever made was of this from Walmart online. It even has wheels! Which looks a lot like this from PBTeen, but Walmart is a lot cheaper.


Decorative pillow people will tell you to get throw pillows and all that stuff.
Just make sure that you don't have too many things on your bed that it becomes a pain to make or sit on. Just because you were too lazy to make your bed before that 10 am class doesn't mean you won't have friends over to your room later in the day.

Moral of the story: Keep it simple enough that you can always have your bed ready for a friend to sit on!

Part two will explain the full process of unpacking and organizing now that you have a good grasp on your room.

College Dorm Advice Part 1

You've just moved into a college dorm. This is so exciting!
You probably want to get unpacked as quick and possible and revel in the feeling of having your own space, possibly for the first time.

But there are a few things that you should do first!

Check your dorm information to see what you can do to your room. 

Can you paint the walls? Can you burn candles in your dorm? Are you allowed to smoke or have pets? Can you put nails in the wall? Are regular fairy lights allowed or only LED fairy lights?
These are all important questions before you even start unpacking.
For example, my dorm allowed painting so I didn't start unpacking until I'd finished painting my room.

Check to see what furniture is available for free.

Check to see what furniture each room is supposed to have. If your room is supposed to have certain furniture, you can ask for your dorm manager to get you the missing furniture.
Then ask if there is any extra furniture. Email your dorm or house master for this information. Lots of dorms have extra furniture for rooms. Ask floor mates if they have furniture they don't want or don't have space for in their room. Before exchanging furniture with floor mates, make sure your dorm allows moving furniture!
You may want an extra wardrobe if you have a lot of clothes, so ask about that.
My key advice would be to check to make sure your desk has all the drawers and that they work well, without jamming or any other problems.  If anything in your room is broken, ask the dorm or house master if they can replace it for free.

Now you have all your furniture. YAY!


Find out where you can get a vacuum.
Personally, I own a vacuum.
A lot of dorms these days have vacuums that students can rent for an hour or so. My dorm has several vacuums that students can rent.
If you're super nice to cleaning staff or the dom manager, they may let you use some of these cleaning supplies. A friend in another dorm has a good supply of paper towels and disinfecting air spray due to a well placed friendship.

Fresh smells.

If you're allowed to use candles, go for it! They smell great and are super relaxing. Make note of where the fire alarms are and how much smoke your candle is giving off. No one likes fire alarms. Be sure to put the flame out when you're out of the room.

My dorm doesn't allow candles so I have found a few ways around that to keep my room smelling good.
Get an automatic air freshener or get a wall plug in freshener.
Get a room spray air freshener.
Make sure that these two scents are the same or at least work well together. Both of mine are lavender.


Clean everything!

This is the most important thing to do! I don't care if your dorm has a cleaning service or if you've lived in filth all your life. You have to clean everything in your room! Move furniture and vacuum. Take out the drawers of your desk to clean. Wipe down everything with bleach and/or clorox. This includes your mattress. Most dorms have the mattresses in plastic covers so they are super easy to clean. You will be amazed by how much dust and filth there is.
I had to go over a lot of things multiple times because things were so gross!
Cleaning your desk, bed and closet are super important since you will spend so much time in these places. You may laugh at "spending time" in your closet but how often are you wearing clothes?

That's what I thought!

If you can, now is the time to paint your room.
I'll do a separate post giving advice on painting rooms.

Organize your furniture.

With everything clean, you only have to find the proper place for your furniture.
Once again, you may be able to have the dorm or house master arrange help with this.
If not, ask your floor mates for help, offering to treat for lunch in exchange for the help. This is a great way to meet people without it seeming unnatural.

Take note of where the plugs are! If you have plugs behind furniture, use extension cords. If you have cable or ethernet plugs, check where they are and make sure you have a cord long enough to reach your tv or computer.

I'd suggest having your desk in front of a window, if your room has any windows. You'll be happy for the natural light when studying.
Another good idea is to have a dresser by your bed, especially those of us who wear glasses.


Make your bed comfortable.

Remember to clean the mattress. So many people have slept on it and maybe not all of them have been as regular with showers as you prefer to be.

Your bed is a place you will be spending a lot of time in. Make it how you like.

Remember most college dorm beds are Extra Long Twin!

I would strongly suggest getting a foam mattress pad. These come in all different price ranges. I got a mid range one, about $50. That one has served me quite well these two years. People always say how comfortable my bed is so I think it was very worth it.
Do get one with a washable cover! Also, if you have a foam mattress pad with a cloth cover, I'd suggest getting two fitted sheets so that will prevent the pad from sliding off of you bed.

Also get comfortable pillows and pillow covers. I'd suggest a few firm and soft pillows. If you are a pillow enthusiast like me, get a body pillow. Again, if you can get a body pillow with a washable cover that would be best.
Silk and soft cotton pillow covers work best for easy washing and comfy sleeping.

Another suggestion would be getting bed risers. They are super helpful for storage. Things stay out of sight but are still easily reachable.
Your bed frame may be adjustable- ask if it is and for help, if you need it. My bed is quite raised so that it stores a lot of things underneath in large plastic containers.

One of the best purchases I ever made was of this from Walmart online. It even has wheels! Which looks a lot like this from PBTeen, but Walmart is a lot cheaper.


Decorative pillow people will tell you to get throw pillows and all that stuff.
Just make sure that you don't have too many things on your bed that it becomes a pain to make or sit on. Just because you were too lazy to make your bed before that 10 am class doesn't mean you won't have friends over to your room later in the day.

Moral of the story: Keep it simple enough that you can always have your bed ready for a friend to sit on!

Part two will explain the full process of unpacking and organizing now that you have a good grasp on your room.