New Year's Resolutions

These are my 2015 resolutions

• Walk outside every day


• Exercise for 30 minutes daily


• Journal daily


• Draw daily


• Intervene in negative spirals


• Vote! Volunteer! Be politically active!


• Study smarter and more regularly


• Ask for help


• Take photos


• Local or organic food

I feel like every year the resolutions are the same. But as I said in May 2014: "These habits are about long term wisdom rather than short term results." So it's okay that the goals keep showing up; some of these are about life long habits and goals.

Get out of the apartment everyday

Meditation

Listen to my body

Walk or exercise for 30 minutes daily

Eat something when hungry

Eat at least 1 healthy meal each day

Journal daily

Wake up and sleep at a regular time

I mean, you can even go back to 2013 and find some of the same resolutions!



Progress is happening. It's amazing to think how much has improved in my life over the course of a few years. I feel so much more in control of my life; I feel like I'm finally in a place to start giving back and helping others. I know myself as a person much better - I feel comfortable expressing who I am and who I want to be. I have the space and security to do so as well.

As far as concrete improvement:

I've definitely improved a regular sleep cycle. Like, a drastic improvement. I am up most days at 7 or 8am. In bed by midnight or earlier. This really helps to balance my moods. I've found that it's best to keep the same schedule no matter what the external needs are. Also, I need my morning tea. I'm absolutely useless until noon without it. My push goal is to track my productivity over the course of a day to find my best hours. 

I've been cooking for myself and eating healthy for almost a year now. I've tried the organic local delivery thing. I did and am still doing the bring your lunch to work thing. I've cut back significantly on delivery food. At this point, almost all of my food is either local or organic. It's great for my mood, health, and budget. My goal is to lock in on ALL of it either local or organic. 

I blog twice weekly most of the year with occasional breaks. I'm really proud of the changes and improvements I've made in my blog, slow and steady. I think the quality of my writing has improved; I've started focusing on political and topical subjects. I want this blog to be useful to me and others too. I'd like to really launch the blog in 2015. I think the one thing I really want to focus on is adding images to my blog. 

I'm living on my own and supporting myself. I think I'd need pages to describe what a difference this has made in my quality and control of life. I feel so proud of being and knowing me at last. I'd like to stretch myself to improve on the things I love to do.

I'm dressing and looking how I want. Over on facebook, I have a post about the 4 years of hair changes: blue hair, long hair, short hair, curly hair, keratin hair! I've embraced my natural curly hair and my current color. I'd still like to try being a red head! I'm also wearing more bright colors and jewelry. I've also been trying different make up looks and totally fallen in love with gold and blue eye liner.  I've written that I feel better when I look better. I love the surprised exclamations from my friends, Are your eyes really lined with gold!?! There have of course been mistakes and strange things, but I love that too. It's fun to learn and explore what does and doesn't work for an outfit or style. But most of all, I love that I am expressing myself. I'd like to start exercising so that I can express my self - my own body - more. 

Habits in review

Habits are an important part of maintaining your mental and physical health. While habits may often make you think of phrases like "stuck in a rut" or "mindless routine," habits can in fact be much more than that. Habits can be simple acts of maintenance or more complex commitments to personal interrogation. Keeping myself accountable with habits has made a big change in my life and I hope that you too can use them both to improve yourself and to catch yourself before you fall.

Here are a mix of my healthy habits, those that maintain and those that help me grow.

Maintenance

Most of my maintenance is daily. I've noticed that when I fail to take care of these tasks, things start to fall apart. Taking care of little things on a regular basis can mean that you have the good health to take care of bigger things. For example, in my old dorm, a lot of students didn't eat healthy. A few barely even ate at all! They could just never find the time. Because of this, colds and other types of sick would spread really easily. Those who were already weak from lack of eating would totally fall apart, with their health and their studies. Taking the half hour to sit down for a meal is better in the long run! It took me a while to learn how to take care of myself and to even go so far as take extra vitamin C right before a bug got big. Paying attention to my body and my needs on a regular basis: that's what maintenance is really about. These habits are about long term wisdom rather than short term results. 

• Get out of the apartment everyday
• Meditation
• Listen to my body
• Walk or exercise for 30 minutes daily
• Eat something when hungry
• Eat at least 1 healthy meal each day
• Journal daily
• Wake up and sleep at a regular time

Growth

Once you have yourself in good shape, doing your maintenance on a regular basis, you can move forward to growing! Growing for me is about making sure that my goals and day to day life are in alignment. This can mean things like having a brunch chat with an old friend: I make sure that I am maintaining a connection that I enjoy. I give back to them and help them while enjoying some yummy food. I also can, by talking with a good friend, find out more about myself and the world around me. This is a small act of growth. It becomes a habit to look for ways to grow

• Review: Does your work lead you towards your goals? Do you know where you are headed?
• Interrogate: Does this right now make you happy? These people, this place, this work?
• Respond: Do you take responsibility for what you control? Do you adapt?
• Relax: Do you feel rested? Recharged? 

Barometer

Habits can also serve as a barometer of how you're feeling. I can now catch myself when I'm just starting to get ill because I may really feel like going to bed a lot earlier or sleeping in. These sorts of barometer moments can be useful for catching problems before they escalate. For example, when I'm feeling tired in the morning, I may take extra care to eat well for the next few days with a focus on staying well. While it may not be efficient to form a habit just to catch a problem, sometimes these things are easily linked. More likely you'll just need time because those sorts of thing reveal themselves.

Good luck forming new habits!

Habits in review

Habits are an important part of maintaining your mental and physical health. While habits may often make you think of phrases like "stuck in a rut" or "mindless routine," habits can in fact be much more than that. Habits can be simple acts of maintenance or more complex commitments to personal interrogation. Keeping myself accountable with habits has made a big change in my life and I hope that you too can use them both to improve yourself and to catch yourself before you fall.

Here are a mix of my healthy habits, those that maintain and those that help me grow.

Affirmation of Sadness

While we may not need to cry that often, I think a lot of us struggle to let the tears flow. But it's really important to have a good cry when you feel the need to.

Sometimes when we cry, we feel weak or guilty for expressing out emotions. For women, it can be seen as a long expected sign of weakness to cry in the wrong setting. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions so tears can be a scary prospect. But all of us have emotions, no matter how strong of a front we put forward.

Here's a set of affirmations that I have been giving myself when I feel the need to cry. I hope that they help you or can serve as a resource for times of trouble. Please always keep in mind that things can get better and there are resources for help.

• It's okay to be scared to cry. Strong emotions can be scary and unfamiliar, but these emotions are part of you. What's really scary is trying to keep these emotions back where they can fester. 

• There's no reason not to cry. It doesn't matter if someone hears you. It doesn't matter if other people don't need to cry. It doesn't matter if the reason you're crying is small. Think about how many tears were shed over the Titanic: if you feel the need to cry, surely your emotional health is just as worthy as a silly movie.

• You deserve the right to be sad. 
• You deserve the space to cry.
• You deserve the time to feel emotions, good and bad.

• Confronting your emotions is a necessary part of moving forward. There's no way to have emotions go away without dealing with them. 

• Crying because you are frustrated, sad, or angry is all valid. There are many reasons why people cry. Whatever your reason it is valid. 

And finally...

• Tomorrow will be better.

Affirmation of Sadness

While we may not need to cry that often, I think a lot of us struggle to let the tears flow. But it's really important to have a good cry when you feel the need to.

Sometimes when we cry, we feel weak or guilty for expressing out emotions. For women, it can be seen as a long expected sign of weakness to cry in the wrong setting. Men are often discouraged from expressing their emotions so tears can be a scary prospect. But all of us have emotions, no matter how strong of a front we put forward.

Here's a set of affirmations that I have been giving myself when I feel the need to cry. I hope that they help you or can serve as a resource for times of trouble. Please always keep in mind that things can get better and there are resources for help.

Finding inspiration for creativity: 5 ways

Here are a few ways that I find inspiration, especially for things like drawing and writing.

1) Collect cool things

I use tumblr to collect cool images to draw over at my art blog, ichoosetorefuse. All the images there fall within a certain aesthetic so when I need to get into that mood, I just head there to immerse myself. From there, it's a simple matter of finding the right image that clicks. I also keep clippings of my favorite magazines and articles.

You can use pintrest, flicker, or any other site to collect your cool things. Do try to sort those things as you gather them.

2) Find a inspirational place

Walking through the city on your way to work, you spot a bench in a park that you've never sat down in before. Take the time later that week to sit in the bench- or whatever places are calling out to you.

The places that offer me the most inspiration are:

• independent cafes (tea preferred)
• sections of museums with pretty portraits
• benches next to flower shops
• busy diner counters
• off rush hour train cars

You'll probably notice that these places have people moving through them but don't require me to interact with others. Most of these places don't require me to get up and move a lot; once I get into my rhythms of writing or drawing, I won't be interrupted but I can look up and around to find something interesting. 

As you start to look for the places that work for you, you'll build up your own favorite places. Do try to visit new places.

3) Review your old work

Sometimes going through your old work or rough drafts can rekindle an old spark or ignite a related idea. Follow the train of thought that first inspired you- either it will lead you somewhere new and exciting or you'll follow through on an old inspiration.

Re-drawing an old sketch can be great both for finding motivation and inspiration. 

Viewing how far I've come can really get me pumped up to try something new and challenging that I mightn't've tried without the warm up.

4) Talk to a friend

Talk to a friend about anything. Talk about the idea. Talk about the problem. Talk about your weekend plans. Talk, listen, discuss. 

I'm always amazed by how a good chat with a friend can make my day. And a good day for my heart is a good day for inspiration. 

Talking about what you're brainstorming for can knock all sorts of ideas out of your brain. There's something about verbalizing a problem that makes the problem more clearly defined and the answer a little more obvious.

Similarly, your friend will probably have their own spin to your idea that can improve it. Or make its error more clear. 

5) Work through it

Sometimes you just need to get going. This method is the toughest one. Once you've pushed through the first 5 minutes, working just gets easier. Is it something about inertia? Whatever it is, starting makes going easier.

Even if I'm still having difficulty working once I start, then I remind myself that I have made progress. More likely than not, I don't end up taking a break because getting the ball rolling is the hardest thing. 

Finding inspiration for creativity: 5 ways

Here are a few ways that I find inspiration, especially for things like drawing and writing.

Joy: Cat cafes in the USA

The positivity post for this week is about cat cafes.

Here's a link to a short article on cat cafes slowly making their way to the USA.

Has the time come for cat cafes in the U.S.?

 

I sure hope that the US gets some cat cafes in the North Eastern area; they'd really have all my money. 

There's a bit of hope from tumblr user catcafedream who is looking to start a cat cafe in Boston. 

The concept of these cat cafes hosting adoptable cats seems like a great idea to me, certainly a nice living space for the kitties than the average shelter.

Joy: Cat cafes in the USA

The positivity post for this week is about cat cafes.

Here's a link to a short article on cat cafes slowly making their way to the USA.

Has the time come for cat cafes in the U.S.?

 

I sure hope that the US gets some cat cafes in the North Eastern area; they'd really have all my money. 

There's a bit of hope from tumblr user catcafedream who is looking to start a cat cafe in Boston. 

The concept of these cat cafes hosting adoptable cats seems like a great idea to me, certainly a nice living space for the kitties than the average shelter.

Moving Forward From Failure: Get Started!

I find failure to be the most difficult thing to overcome. Maybe it's the fact that failure had such a high cost in my youth. Maybe it's just that failure represents the effort put into the attempt not being quite enough.

via: Left handed toons People don't actually laugh at our failures

But here's what I do to get over my fear of failure and get started on a project.

Mentally Approaching Failure 

During our youth, it seems that many of us were told that talent or intelligence meant never failing, having things come to us easily. Therefore, when we face difficulty or worse yet failure, we question one of the fundamentals of our identity: our talent. The ideology behind this comes from the concept of a Romantic genius, a person with natural talent whose work far exceeds what practice and route learning can achieve in the untalented.

But this is a silly notion. Even the Romantic geniuses had failures!
Friedrich did studies for his paintings; even The Wanderer had its precursor. Chalk Cliffs is nowhere near the statement as the The Wanderer. It's not a shame to the artist that he went through a process of refinement for his ideas. That's what failure is: the process of improvement.Van Gogh did not immediately paint a perfect canvas: often he painted over his failures, adapting them to the improvement of his next work.

Fear of Mockery

Our greatest fear seems to be that we will be laughed at or mocked for our failures.

Let's remember van Gogh. Most art historians lament that he painted over his "failures." They wish that they could see the process that he went through, much as they pour over the sketches of those painters trained by the French Academy.

And okay, somebody laughed at your failure? So what? What are they doing? Instead of taking that time to be improving themselves, they're paying attention to you. If anything, that means that you're already succeeding. You're gaining attention for your new work. You've got an audience for your future success. You're making someone else feel happy, maybe a vindictive happy that reflects on their inner demons, but still happy. So don't worry about it.

The Cost of Failure

"I spent so much time working on it but it didn't turn out right."
"Look at all the money that went into that ugly thing! What a waste."
"My reputation's ruined by that fiasco. No one will let me try again!"

We've all heard or said these things about our own efforts that ended in failure.

But what have we said about the profits of success?

Consider failures investments. Don't jump into large ones; slowly build. Develop a skill. It only takes a single success to put you on the market, but all success requires skill.

In the case of drawing: Start out on cheap newsprint as you learn to draw or paint. Invest in a few nice sketchbooks. When those are filled, you'll see improvement. You'll have the wisdom to choose the style and medium that best suits you. A few quality finished works on canvas will yield more and more knowledge, based on the sketches you continue to do on cheap paper. Finally, you'll have a piece that satisfies you. You can send this succes to a gallery where it may or may not be accepted. But you will always have the skill of drawing, a skill that can continue to grow.

Moving Forward From Failure: Get Started!

I find failure to be the most difficult thing to overcome. Maybe it's the fact that failure had such a high cost in my youth. Maybe it's just that failure represents the effort put into the attempt not being quite enough.

via: Left handed toons People don't actually laugh at our failures

But here's what I do to get over my fear of failure and get started on a project.

How to Be More Awesome

I'm a big fan of MissJessicaHarlow. Seeing the opportunities that she's making for herself and opening for her fans is amazingly inspiring. Not to mention her fabulous sense of style and humour.

Check out her video on how to be more awesome!

How to Be More Awesome

I'm a big fan of MissJessicaHarlow. Seeing the opportunities that she's making for herself and opening for her fans is amazingly inspiring. Not to mention her fabulous sense of style and humour.

Check out her video on how to be more awesome!

Who's who at an internship

It can be really difficult to start a new job, especially an internship where you know that you will be relying on the good opinions of others to get recommendations or job offers.

Of course different organizations will have different people and different organizations of power. But this is a good rundown of who you'll probably meet at a your internship.

Read more to find out Who's Who at an internship and a few hints about who you are!

Intern supervisor

You've probably already had plenty of contact with this person in the process of getting your internship. The intern supervisor most likely is in charge of all of the interns in different departments.  This is the person that you should touch in with periodically; most likely they'll be the one that schedules your meetings and trainings. If your supervisor has any problems with you... well, the intern supervisor knows. And lets you know too.

The intern supervisor is also generally the person you go to if you are having any difficulties. If your access badge hasn't come or your supervisor is asking you to work 50 hours a week, you should talk to the intern supervisor about finding a solution. They serve as a good mediator between you and the larger company, making sure you get proper respect and treatment. The intern supervisor will also have final say over your recommendations and your review.

Direct supervisor

Your direct supervisor is whoever is in charge of the office you are in. This supervisor is the person who directly assigns you tasks. Some supervisors are happy to have interns and will truly take you under their wing. Others will see you as an imposition and do their best to ignore you, despite your desire to work. Still others will simply see you as another pair of hands and give you a never ending line up of dull tasks.

You don't have much control over how your supervisor decides to treat you. You do have control over how you react. Always be polite and professional. Do your best to ask for challenging work; when you complete a task, check with the supervisor that it has been done properly and ask for more work. If you are curious about something, take initiative to research it and then ask if that information is correct.Your direct supervisor will hopefully see your motivation and creativity as an addition to the office and take advantage of it.

Obviously, your direct supervisor is important: they are going to be the one giving you referrals and having a large say in the decision of whether to offer you an opportunity to return. Try to impress them by working hard and working smart! If you'll lucky, your supervisor will appreciate your dedication, fostering a great relationship.

Coworkers

You may have a closer relationship with others in your office. Having a coworker who has taken you under your wing or who you can consistently turn to for assignments can be a really great thing. I find that other coworkers who still remember what it's like to be an intern can offer a great working relationship. If you have questions about office politics or how to relate to your supervisor, your coworkers can be a good resource for such questions.

Do remember: Coworkers are still above you! Don't get too friendly with them or forget their place above you!

Also remember that coworkers have more loyalty to their supervisor than to you. If you choose to gossip about your boss to them, don't be surprise if that gets back to your boss. Offices are small places, made smaller when people get too cozy with one another. It's not bad to make friendships, but remember to respect the workers who are above you.

Fellow interns

I think that maybe the best thing about an internship is meeting other people. Your fellow interns are also at college, with an interest in same career field as you but they have a totally different perspective to offer you. Talking to fellow interns can give you a sense of what the field you're in is like, the personality of your future coworkers, and even inspire some pretty amazing goals for once you head back in the fall.

Being open and respectful to your fellow interns is the best thing you can do. Do your best to avoid competitive comparisons and instead focus on the common ground. If you're all in an unpaid internship, focus on exchanging tips for cheap lunch vendors or easy tutoring gigs rather than competing to see who has the best or worse living condition. Just being pleasant and constructive can go a long way.

After the internship is over, see if you can meet up with or at least email a few of the interns that you connected with. Ask them if they're doing alright, when they're moving back to campus or what they though of the internship. If you feel an honest connection, such an outreach could start a valuable friendship.

Volunteers or customers

On the offhand chance that your work will have you dealing with volunteers or customers, remember to be kind and generous with them. Be as helpful and respectful as possible to everyone, no matter how inane (or insane) they may seem. If they are a regular of the program, their input may be very important. Comments from customers or those who volunteer can mean a lot to a small organization- so a compliment for you from someone may be very valuable.

You may rank slightly above volunteers or be trusted to supervise them. But remember: you can get fired. A volunteer can't. So really, who's in a position of power? If you are put in charge of volunteers, try to be as polite and respectful as possible. And don't delegate everything to them.  Everything they do, you should do too and work twice as hard at it.

Who's Who and Who are you?

You are who you are. You are a hard working and motivated person- so show that off! Work hard while you have the opportunity. If you have a brilliant idea, work to make that idea have an impression on your company. Be the best that you can be and the world will take notice.

One thing that I would say: I know that a lot of people seem to think that networking is the end all be all. There's this image of networking as the ability to effortlessly charm hundreds of people and inquire on the intimate details of someone's life that you've gleaned from an office party. But that's really not how things work in an office. Networking is about the daily encounters: asking someone if they're alright when they're having a bad day or making the effort to offer to help with something when someone seems particularly stressed along with doing your work as well as you can.

Who's who at an internship

It can be really difficult to start a new job, especially an internship where you know that you will be relying on the good opinions of others to get recommendations or job offers.

Of course different organizations will have different people and different organizations of power. But this is a good rundown of who you'll probably meet at a your internship.

Read more to find out Who's Who at an internship and a few hints about who you are!

10 Things You'll Love About Being Home on Break

Let's get back to the positive side after the post of 10 Things you'll miss about college on break!

Lesson: It's good to vent and verbalize the things that bother you, but refocus on the things that you enjoy. Figure out how to add more of the 10 things you love and remove the 10 things you don't.

Read more for the list of 10 things you'll love about being home!







These are the things that I love about being home:

1. Being with your family
2. Your own precious bed
3. Flipping motherfudger kid-cussing
4. Catching up with local friends
5. Avoiding dorm drama
6. Home cooked meals
7. Early bedtime and good rest
8. Your own bathroom to arrange as you like
9. Free laundry for your clothes
10. No stressful exams

There are so many great things about being home. Being in the place that you grew up and dreams up so many goals can really help to center you, give you energy to keep pursuing what you want to be doing.

10 Things You'll Love About Being Home on Break

Let's get back to the positive side after the post of 10 Things you'll miss about college on break!

Lesson: It's good to vent and verbalize the things that bother you, but refocus on the things that you enjoy. Figure out how to add more of the 10 things you love and remove the 10 things you don't.

Read more for the list of 10 things you'll love about being home!

10 Ways to Measure Personal Calm

Working toward calm and contentment is a lifelong pursuit; it requires that you pay attention to the signs of your body and the actions you take based on your emotional state. Like most long term goals, people need to be able to measure their progress. Even your breath can be a way to check in on your emotions, on how calm you are.

These 10 consistent actions and abilities will allow you to measure your progress as you work towards your own personal calm. 

Read more to discover 10 ways to measure your personal calm!

10 Ways to Measure Personal Calm

1. Crying or smiling based on your inner need to
2. Controlling your voice and volume
3. Maintaining calm regardless of others
4. Pursuing relaxing hobbies and activities that refresh you
5. Extending kindness
6. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm
7. Looking at the present with removal from the past
8. Acceptance of change
9. Investing in relationships rather than drama
10. Being in touch with body, self and soul

For example:

If during a crisis you are crying and taking short breaths, you have lost sight of your personal calm when you most need it. Your body is out of your control: you have let adrenaline and fear control you rather than holding on to your inner peace.

During an argument, keeping your voice at the even level you want it while accepting what the other person says rather than resisting the change they propose- this is a good sign of inner calm! 

Touching base with your body during moments of high stress can help you diagnose where you are emotionally and spiritually are. Compare these two examples and find where you lie on such a spectrum.

Additional Exercise 

Try making a list of things you do when calm and content. Don't think about what others would expect you to do; think of what works for you. Add that list to these goal posts

10 Ways to Measure Personal Calm

Working toward calm and contentment is a lifelong pursuit; it requires that you pay attention to the signs of your body and the actions you take based on your emotional state. Like most long term goals, people need to be able to measure their progress. Even your breath can be a way to check in on your emotions, on how calm you are.

These 10 consistent actions and abilities will allow you to measure your progress as you work towards your own personal calm. 

Read more to discover 10 ways to measure your personal calm!

Rousseau: Perpetual restraint vs. Honest commitment

People seem to become more and more homogeneous as time goes on. Think of the rapid spread of galaxy print. Quickly galaxy went from a few instances of NASA photoshopping, to a DIY trend, and on to widespread commercial products. Maybe it's the success of corporations managing to sell us all the same product in a million different ways. Maybe it's the process of information becoming more quickly and widely available.

via Britannica

Even in the 18th century process of people trying to fall into a mold was happening. Rousseau writes in Discourses on the Arts and Sciences on the prevalence of modern manners.

Read more for a quote of his ideas and my thoughts on individuality despite outside pressure.

The Quote

"In our day, now that more subtle study and a more refined taste have reduced the art of pleasing to a system, there prevails in modern manners a servile and deceptive conformity; so that one would think every mind had been cast in the same mould. Politeness requires this thing; decorum that; ceremony has it s forms, and fashion its laws, and these we must always follow, never the promptings of our own nature.

We no longer dare seem what we really are, but lie under a perpetual restraint; in the meantime the herd of men, which we call society, all act under the same circumstances exactly alike, unless very particular and powerful motives prevent them. Thus we never know with whom we have to deal; and even to know our friends we must wait for some critical and pressing occaison; that is, till it is too late; for it is on those very occasions that such knowledge is of use to us."

from Rousseau, A Discourse on the Arts and Sciences, The First Part

Homogenization by Choice

What is certain is that the homogenization make individuality more difficult. It's hard to be your unique self when everyone else seems to have poured themselves into a single cast. I remember in high school when everyone wore Abercrombie and Fitch, capped sleeves and color scheme down to a precise formula. Now, the uniform is more subtle and encroaches on behavior.

There prevails in modern manners a servile and deceptive conformity

Apparently, it's absolutely not okay to not have a plan for after graduation as a freshman nor is it alright to purchase your brass rat after graduation, even if these decisions are based on your finances. If you've ever worn a costume on the T, the adult uniform is revealed by its absence. The conformity is deceptive in how everyone seems to easily fall into it, willingly. But it's there.

So how do you break out of the mold that's been made invisible by ubiquity?
How does one stand up for their individuality while still being presentable for interviews?

Unique Self

Part of embracing the everyday is embracing who you are. Get in touch with what you want then work to pursue that. The persistence to follow your dream will also show your value as an individual amongst so many identical replicates. Get in touch with the powerful motives that will give you strength to be yourself. Once you have a goal, pursue it regardless of decorum. If you want to be more fashionable, try out new coordinates regardless of what dullards warn about changing your style. Reach out to communities that pursue the similar styles; don't be afraid of being the first person to speak.

Valuable Friends

Let go of friends that don't stand by you. Friends who haven't stayed with you aren't guaranteed friends. Don't go out creating a crisis. Do pay attention to who comforts you, even in the small things. Trust me: those people will also show up when you truly need it.

Thus we never know with whom we have to deal; and even to know our friends we must wait for some critical and pressing occaison; that is, till it is too late; for it is on those very occasions that such knowledge is of use to us.

People who share your goal will make useful allies and even better friends; you know they will stay strong beside you because they too have gone through the difficulty of breaking out of the mediocre. Most likely, they'll be far more welcoming and warm as you discuss something exciting you both love than those bound by polite conversation about the weather.

Reading Rousseau on this subject gave me confidence and I hope that it can give you confidence too. Being yourself can give you a lot of insight on the true friends in your life. Don't worry about people that are uncomfortable with you embracing yourself. Be open and honest with your advice. The true friends are the people that stick around and care while others ignore or try to disparage you.